It’s nine days into 2012, and most reflections on 2011 have long been written and possibly forgotten.  I am always late to the party, however, and this topic is no exception.  It’s taken me time to come to terms with 2011, and thankfully it’s almost all a distant memory now.   

Thanks to E for the format; this post would quickly devolve to word vomit without some structure.  I have been working on this on and off for a while for forgive the inconsistencies.      

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

I can’t pinpoint one action or activity, but I definitely pushed myself at work and moved into a role that is challenging and interesting.  I’m happy that I accepted this opportunity and have tried doggedly to capitalize on it.  

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn’t make resolutions in 2011 as I tend to fly more by the seat of my pants.  For 2012, however, I am firm in my resolution to focus on me.  I want to improve myself both mentally and physically through ongoing learning, activity and plain old work.  

Here are some rough goals:

• Get our home in order.  For the past four years, we have been engaged in a home renovation that truly took on a life of its own.  We live out of a bedroom and a bathroom, and don’t have a functioning kitchen or living space.  I finally convinced my husband - after  gaining  40 pounds in 4 years (!!) due to the kitchen issue - that we can’t do it ourselves with our schedules.  We now have help and will hopefully finish phase I by the end of February.  There is still a ton of work to do, and the goal for 2012 is a new garage and a finished basement.  
• Lose those 40 pounds.  Once the kitchen is in order, it’s Weight Watchers time!  I also will increase the frequency of my workouts not only for physical health but mental health and add pilates into the mix.  
• Really think about my career path.  I am fortunate to have a well-paying, challenging job that I enjoy.  That said, I really need to figure out where I want to go with my career and how to get there.  I will probably have to enroll in a Master’s program of some sort, and my goal is to hopefully have that figured out for the fall semester.  
• Spend more time on me: exercising, pampering, reading, relaxing, just being.
• Learn Photoshop.  I mean why not. 

Of course!  While many friends had adorable babies this year, the top spot in my heart for 2011 babies is my nephew Michael. 

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Sigh.  The death of my father-in-law shaped the entire year.  He disappeared on April 25 after work.  We were at the Arcade Fire show with our friends when my mother-in-law kept calling to reach my husband.  He took the call during intermission and learned his father never returned home.  We spent the night driving the streets of Chicago’s northern suburbs looking for him without success.  Police reports were filed and prayers said.   I took my mother-in-law to her chemo session (yes, she had cancer on top of all of this) the next morning since he still had not returned home.  Let’s just say it was slightly awkward.  My husband went to work to manage the situation - check-in with the police and every source possible - and maintain some sort of normalcy for his mom’s sake.

Shortly after 8 a.m., he received a text from his boss stating she would be late because the train she was on struck a pedestrian.  He knew immediately: his father ended his life by stepping in front of a commuter train.  

Grappling with the loss of a husband and father is difficult enough.  Suicide adds a number of complexities to the grieving process.  He also left behind debts totaling the hundreds of thousands that we - my husband primarily and me to an extent - were left to deal with.  The whole…situation, for lack of a better word…has been sad, anger-inducing and mostly overwhelming.  It will take awhile for the pain to go away, and it’s definitely a one-day-at-a-time process for all of us.      

5. What countries did you visit?

Unfortunately we did not go anywhere this year (see #4) but will definitely travel, hopefully to Belgium, in 2012.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Time.  This year was a mess and we didn’t have any time to just be.  I’m making this a priority for 2012.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

March 31: welcome to the world Michael!  The ninth of my nieces and nephews entered the world as a happy and healthy baby, which is all that matter in life.  

April 25 and 26: see 4.   

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

My promotion at work.  I have spent the past 10 years working, learning, fighting, waiting, thinking, planning, implementing, and hoping for an opportunity like the one I received.  It’s still incredibly overwhelming, but I love the challenge.  This promotion has also forced me to think about my future, and I needed that push.   

9. What was your biggest failure?

Where to begin?!  I think my biggest failure is still having an amazingly low and crippling self esteem even though I have enjoyed a lot of success and can count many, many good things in my life.   

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing out of the ordinary, thankfully!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I can’t think of one item that stands out, but I do love how my house is coming together.  

12. Where did most of your money go?

After my father-in-law died, we incurred a considerable amount of related expenses: paying for the funeral, lending money to my mother-in-law, taking care of outstanding bills, hiring a lawyer, paying taxes on extra properties, etc., etc.  Hopefully the end is in sight.

A close second is Home Depot (kitchen cabinets), Costco (kitchen counter), Ann Sacks (kitchen back splash and bathroom tile), Kohler (vanity, fixtures, toilet, kitchen and bathroom sinks and faucets) and the guy now doing the work on our house.     

13. What did you get really excited about?

Anything happy and positive: plans with friends, long catch-up phone calls, spending time with the nieces and nephews.  

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?

Wake Up by Arcade Fire.  It was the last song we heard at the show before we heard about my father-in-law. 

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

I am more tired, weary and run-down.  But I’m also more motivated at work, and more invested in myself and my relationships.  

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

This was a hard year for my husband and I wish that I could have done more for him.  What, exactly, I’m not sure.  But I wish I could have done more.  

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Being angry at things beyond my control. 

18. How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas was actually enjoyable!  

We spent Christmas Eve with my family and then visited with my husband’s cousins later in the evening.  I may or may not have been wasted.  Christmas day is usually the most awkward day of the year at my in-law’s house, but the day was surprisingly drama-free and quiet.  We spent the evening with my extended family, which was a lot of fun.      

19. What was your favorite TV program?

I am obsessed with Downton Abbey.  Honorable mentions include (in no order) Happy Endings, Parks and Recreation, Holmes on Homes, Modern Family and Community.   

20. What were your favorite books of the year?

One of my favorite books was The Orientalist, a engrossing non-fiction that reads like fiction story of Lev Nussimbaum/Essad Bey/Kurbin Said. 

21. What was your favorite music from this year?

Albums by Barr Brothers, Bon Iver, Florence + The Machine, The Head and the Heart, Mumford & Sons, Ryan Adams, Wilco and Wild Flag.  Special shout out to Kelly Clarkson’s Mr. Know It All.  And fond farewell to R.E.M., one of my all-time favorites.   

22. What were your favorite films of the year?

I only saw one new release of 2011 (um, that’s pretty pathetic!), Bridesmaids, but it was quality laughs and a lot of fun.  

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 33 in June (eek!) and it was a busy time as it was right before a big business trip for me and in the midst of lots of death-related legal drama so we kept it simple: dinner at Bistro Campange for that amazing onion tart, steak frites and tasty wine.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If it didn’t happen?  Kidding!  I would have loved to see my best friends Tara and Courtney.  

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

I spent a lot of time learning how to dress my ever-expanding body, which was esteem-shattering and difficult.  White girl problems, I know, but it was a very difficult time for me.  I found a good uniform for me is a blazer or cardigan over a tank, jeans and good jewelry and shoes.  Most of my wardrobe is from J. Crew, Madewell, Gap and assorted other places.

26. What kept you sane?

This year really tested my sanity.  Luckily I had help from a few sources:

• My husband.  The poor guy went through hell this year but he remained my #1 cheerleader and helped me gain confidence at work.
• Exercise.  Nothing like drowning out the world for 60 minutes and focusing on only one thing  
• My parents, siblings and cousins.  They understood the enormous amount of stress that we faced this year and did everything they could to lighten the load for us.
• Nieces and nephews.  Their innocence and utter adorableness always brightened our mood.  When a day got heavy, a quick phone call or visit from Finbar, Patrick, Seamus, Sinead, Maeve, Clare, Megan, Liam and Michael always made all of our problems go away at least temporarily.  
• Friends.  We could not have made it through this year without the support of friends.  My husband’s best friend and his wife have been amazing to us.  I am fortunate to have Tara, Courtney, Kerry, Kelly, Becky and Angie always checking in on me, listening and just being good friends.     

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

Life is too short to not enjoy every minute of it.  

Phew!  Here’s to 2012!